I don’t want this is the Singles & Dating section because I don’t want ignorant responses, but caring support from my friends in this category.
If you see my profile I reference a wonderful boyfriend. Although he still is wonderful and beautiful, I see this tapering off at a suddenly alarming rate.
What have you done to ease the pain in a no-fault mutual relationship ending? When there’s nothing wrong but you have to break up anyway?
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Regarding Religion ®, Do Any Of You Have Good Break-up Advice?8 comments to Regarding Religion ®, Do Any Of You Have Good Break-up Advice? |
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The best way to handle it is by having a rational sit down session, that sets the rules ahead of time and gets agreement from both parties that things are going to be emotional.
So agree to talk. Set the rules of engagement beforehand…ie, no yelling, no sarchasm etc…then agree that the conversation is going to be an emotional one, and thats ok.
Once those expectations are set ahead of time, the talk usually goes a little smoother, and you have a greater chance of remaining friends after the end.
I am sorry you are going through this tough time, its never good.
It happens. Interestingly, many marriages break up after about 5 years – just about the length of time it take for a child to become able to survive in the wild with just one parent.
The best way to soothe your pain is to find another partner with whom you can experience a different relationship.
I can’t help much with the breakup – but I can help with what comes next.
If you’re not sure.. and there’s an issue of commitment – best is to take six months off.. don’t see or talk to each other, and – more importantly – don’t DATE anyone else! Use this time to focus on yourself and what you want out of life. It will become apparent whether your life includes – or doesn’t include – this person.
If at the end of six months, you decide you can’t live without each other – problem solved.
If you decide you weren’t missing anything – problem solved. Take another six months to mourn what was lost.. before you date anyone again. Use the six months to once again figure out what you want – and whether there’s room for someone else to share it with you.
Most people jump out of the frying pan (old relationship) into the fire (rebound relationship) without taking time to mourn what was lost and figure out who they are individually. When you identify as a couple for a long time, and then suddenly you’re not a couple – you NEED to figure out who YOU are again so you CAN BE someone to someone else again.
Best wishes to you – and that cup of coffee offer still stands..
wait.. what… there’s a R&S convention??
oh.. and more along the lines of the question: nothing. i’ve yet to find a painless breakup.
well, unless you count the time i had to break up because she didn’t drive, and my car died for 4 months, so it just went away.
actually, come to think of it, she’s the only “ex” who is still a friend.
I was always a bad breaker- I’d think I was going to it simply and honestly, BEFORE it went bad but when I knew it was just over. TO save everyone’s feelings and make us all warm, fuzzy friends, RIGHT? No. Never worked. It was at least awkward and uncomfortable, occasionally guilt inducing, and a few times angry.
If you just know it’s time to move on, just be forthright but gentle, and get it over with. You can’t control his reaction, and you can never be sure what it might be, you can only control your own reaction to him.
Er… good luck ?! (doesn’t seem quite appropriate, but really, good luck!)
Here comes a few unconnected thoughts: Intimacy increases over time. The years, months? you were with him will now be balanced by the time you’ll Not be with him. When you fall in love with someone you fall in love with their mind. his loss, really.
I don’t know that there is a way to ease the pain. I always go for the “do it immediatley and quickly” route. Drag it out and it hurts more, imho.
If you see it ending, you should end it sooner rather than later. You don’t want to lead him on.
If it is indeed mutual, then it shouldn’t be too difficult. Just be nice about it.