Okay. I’m in a really big rut right now. I have no idea how to fix things. Here is the issue…
My boyfriend, Brian, had a really big issue with me when we first started dating. He wanted me to let go of my past and stop talking to my exes. I agreed with some resistance. Fast forward. Awhile back ago, he saw me on my exes myspace page and thought I was writing to him. While I have had a small amount of contact with him in the year and a half, I did decide to quit talking to him. We got over that issue, but it still comes up. Now, Brian has a myspace page (private profile) and won’t add me so I don’t know who he’s talking to. So, about a month ago, my gay friend called me out of the blue and Brian answered my phone since I was sleeping (I work graveyard shift), took a message, and later asked me who it was. He got upset that “guys were calling my phone” (even though this was the first one) and started talking to this chick named Natalie that he says is a lesbian. Well, then tonight, I was cleaning out my phone and I had a couple numbers stored under my friend Julie’s name. I didn’t recognize them so I called them and then deleted them when I got no answer. Then later, I’m about to get in the shower to get ready for work, and my phone rings. Brian tells me to say hello, and when I do, he puts the phone to his ear. I guess it was my ex. I don’t know why I stored his number under her name, but it’s been there for a long time. I promised Brian I don’t talk to Kris, but he doesn’t believe me. Now, almost 3 weeks ago, we had a huge blowup and he was going to leave and move back to Florida (we’re currently in Indiana). It was because I wasn’t giving him enough time to himself and he felt he had to do thinking for 3 people. We talked about things and he said he would give me 3 weeks to prove I was worth it (apparently some other girl told him she wanted to prove it to him too). Tonight he made the comment that I obviously can’t prove it to him. I haven’t talked to any guys in awhile. I promised myself I wouldn’t. I really love Brian and I want to be with him. We were engaged until three weeks ago, and things have been fine until tonight. We also have an 8 month old son together, and I’m worried I might be pregnant even though the test came out negative. I don’t know what to do now. These are the only instances, and they always seem to pop up at the worst time (and when Brian just happens to ‘stumble’ upon them). I think he might try to tell me he’s leaving again, and I don’t know what to do or say? I could really use some advice. Anyone? I need all the help you have to offer… Thank you!
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He Doesn’t Trust Me… What Can I Do Now??11 comments to He Doesn’t Trust Me… What Can I Do Now?? |
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If anybody doesn’t trust u then…nothing can be done, coz to trust some one require something ( ability to trust some one) within himself, it may be not there .
If my wife chooses to speak to her ex, or any other bloke, thats her choice. If I didnt trust her I would never have married her. This bloke of yours sounds highly strung and he is showing you great dis-respect. he need to grow up for his own sake as well.
When you decided to commit and have a relationship and live with somebody ….. from that time on …..nobody should be telling you to isolate yourself from your ex’s but ….that’s what you have to do in the first place….. if you want to have a peaceful relationship.
As a GF… you should know your role and limitations. If you want Brian to trust you…. you have to refrain yourself from any wrongdoings and stick to it. Never allow anything to happen … to spoil it.
But … as I can see …. you are not careful enough … that tends to ruin your relationship with him.
If you really love him … you have to give up everything … I mean …. everything….. and be submissive…. that’s the meaning of having a committment / relationship…. concentrate yourself to him and to your family… and you will have a happy and peaceful life…
Its never too late …. prove to him that you are worth to be trusted.
“Life is beautiful …. if you are free of any worries … nothing to hide …. to anyone.”
It sounds to me like you are in quite a situation. I can understand where your boyfriend is coming from, not wanting you to talk to exes; there is no need to talk to past boyfriends if you are in a fufilling relationship with someone that you truly love. If I were your boyfriend, I would interperet you hiding phone numbers in your cell phone under someone elses name, and secretly checking out your exes myspace as a lack of happiness with me. If he truly gave you what you wanted you wouldnt be worried about what you had. If he truly gave you what you wanted, you wouldnt have to “promise yourself that you werent going to talk to other guys”, if he gave you what you wanted, you wouldnt want to talk to other guys. Maybe you need to look inside your own heart, and see if he really is what you want, and If you cant see yourself without him FIGHT FOR HIM. If you can see yourself without him, let him go.
just since he has jealous issues and you really love him, why not do it.. like don’t come in contact w/ your exe’s.. talking about exe’s is a big NO NO when it comes to your current relationship.. its about you and Brian and ur kid and nobody else.. do your best gurl.. and goodluck, if he still says that you’re not good enough then its his problem, then he may be fancing other gurls then… and if that happens.. take care of your child.. show him that you deserve a chance w/ your child.. and come to think of it, he has a responsibility too.. just talk it out…
Let’s look at a few things here.
1) My boyfriend, Brian…wanted me to let go of my past and stop talking to my exes. I agreed…
2) I promised Brian I don’t talk to Kris but he doesn’t believe me….I have had…contact with him in the year and a half…
3) he saw me on my exes myspace page
4) my…friend called me
5) I had a couple numbers stored under my friend Julie’s name…my phone rings…it was my ex. I don’t know why I stored his number under her name…
6) We also have an 8 month old son together, and I’m worried I might be pregnant.
The way I see it is that you wanted to hold on to the idea that Kris and/or other exes could be a safety net for you to possibly fall back on and you were reluctant to let them go.
Even though you agreed to break contact, you couldn’t bring yourself to do it and hid Kris’ number under Julie’s name thinking that Brian would never find it there and you would have it just in case you ever needed it.
Times came along that you did need his number and talked with him a few times over the last year and a half. He knew that if you called him, he was welcome to call you back and he did. You just wasn’t counting on Brian answering the phone when he called.
Well, there went the promise of not talking to Kris, out the window when Brian answered.
Your not getting a lot of “trust” points here, you know?
Getting calls from other guys, gay or not, doesn’t give a fellow a real secure feeling about your relationship.
Now, Brian catches you red handed on Kris’ MySpace page. Still hanging on to the past here it seems to me.
Again, this is not something that gives a guy a warm fuzzy feeling about a girl that claims, “I really love Brian and I want to be with him.”
So, you’ve got one in diapers and maybe another on the way, both from a guy that your not married to and may be leaving.
I think your afraid of raising these kids alone and your especially nervious about being pregnant alone.
Why don’t you have a talk with ol’ Brian about taking you and your son with him to Florida for the winter? You can leave your past behind, enjoy the nice warm Florida winter and have a tropical Christmas for a change.
If things don’t work out, you can come back to the cold north after the spring thaw and pick up where you left off.
If it wasn’t for your son, and I was in Brian’s shoes, I don’t think that it would be in my best interest to commit myself to you.
You seem to have some baggage and a bit of history that your not willing to part with. That makes me uncomfortable with the idea of settling down with you.
Sorry but that’s how it is.
Florida could give you a fresh start with Brian. Your son needs his father. Try to keep things together if you can.
Best Wishes
.
Hi.
Firstly, if you have left your past and he brought it back then thats his mistake.Did you tell Brian about the contacts if you did i don’t think Brian wants to forget about this because he keaps on bringing this issue up and having a disturbance relationship with you..
Well about your 3 weaks what can you do.
Sit down with Brian even if it’s for the hole day on a weekend or something and tell him that you both have a child to take care of if nothing else atleast think what your child will go through and the 1 that’s on the way.
You can also convince him how much you love him if not with time from the bottom of your heart how much you really love him.
You can also buy him something like a ring which will show him how much you love him.
These are my suggestions,please tell me what you think and if i can help out.
Best of luck.
furqani@yahoo.com
Your boyfriend brian is way to controling, you need to tell him to calm down or leeave him
I’m not going to tell you or judge how you run your life.
But,Anyone that talk’s to there ex’s just rings red flags.
You don’t need to put your pride in the floor for some man.
He needs to grow up and be a man and trust you
Brian has just got the green eyed monster and you’re just in hot
water if his talking to other girls..But you need to focus on your kid and tell him..If is love he will stay with you no matter what!
Love is letting go even if it hurts you.But you don’t have to prove anyone anything if they don’t comprehend to learn how to trust.
Just be patient and men have moods.Don’t give him anymore reason’s not to trust you.And is not wise having men’s numbers on your cell phone.
Crap,your lucky he did not leave you during that other time frame when he met you and knew about your ex issue.
My point is for you to talk to him and tell him to be a man for the family and stop playin or tripin about things.
If you love each other “Fix it” I’m a single parent with a 4yr old.Is hard as hell and back..But I will tell you one thing.I got to walk away like a women with pride.
I just hope you have your pride.
Good luck Gurl-
Yeah. like the first guy said. he is an asshole. what you are saying that there is another girl that wants to prove to him…. I would think that he was talking to her while you guys were in an argument.
And if he doesn’t want to listen or believe what you say then I say you deserve much better. And if he really loved you, he wouldn’t do that to you.
As for your child… if you can’t support him/her then there are always court cases to get the father to pay child support.
Your boyfriend is an asshole.
Tell him he needs to practice what he preaches.
He’s a hypocrit and a poser.
Leave him and tell him “Since you don’t want me talking to my ex’s, I’ll stop talking to you aswell”
That’ll show him.
He sounds like a player anyways, hanging with girls that want to be with him while he’s “commited” and engaged to you.
I can’t stress enough to leave him, and move on with life. And if you are pregnent, I’m sorry you have his baby, but if you keep both kids, get his money to help take care of the kids.
The guy’s an asshole.